Life happens despite what you plan

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Lonely Times!

Well I haven't written in over a month. So if any of you actually read this, I'm sorry. The bedroom has turned out really pretty good. We discovered that Jessica Cushion has a hidden talent for painting aliens and jungle animals (well, painting pictures of them not actually painting ON them). Stamer still has to come over and finish up and I know she is totally uninspired right now... but I have faith. I know she'll finish. Melissa painted some cool flowers and a big, huge jungle type plant that turned out awesome. It's the weirdest thing, but Kathy paints some really great aliens in shadow (like all black) but she's not so good at the whole facial feature thing. The room really does look cool though. If I ever sat down to figure the blog thing out, then I would post pictures of it.

I miss Dave. He is out of town a lot now. I know he is doing what he has to do. I try not to be down about it. I try not to cry. When I do, he gets so upset. He doesn't get mad, just a little sad because I am. He doesn't like being away anymore then I like him being gone. For whatever reason God saw it necessary, he made Dave my soulmate. We make each other crazy. We are usually confused about what the other one of us is doing. We are never complete without the other though.

I wonder about this sometimes. I mean, if someone had asked me 20 years ago what kind of person I think my soulmate is, I probably wouldn't have described Dave. "Yes God, I would like my soulmate to be an overweight Redneck who smokes too much, gets aggravated like a bear when he doesn't eat, snores, talks really loud and sometimes keeps going and going and going. Also, Lord if it's not too much trouble, could you give him a receding hairline and make him have a tendency to think of himself first. God, I hate to ask, but please, one more thing to make my dream come true, could you please, if nothing else, make him an addict. Thank you."

I probably would have looked into my heart and answered something like, "Lord, can you please make my soulmate someone who can make me laugh no matter what? I would like him to be tall, love me unconditionally, and have a stronger more guarded personality then I do. He has to love children because my life would never be complete without children. Can you make him understand how important some structure is for kids. I'm not good at the whole disciplinarian thing. He's gonna have to handle that one. Please don't let him be all hung up on body images and making sure that I am exactly a certain weight and dress a certain way. I really like food but I'm not the greatest cook, so could you make him not too fussy about the whole food thing. I know that all of us have to have faults, but could you at least make him the type that works hard to improve on his to become a better person. I don't need perfection God, just progress"

I think about this and realize that I did get exactly what I would have asked for. He is all of these things. He is a person that not a lot of you know because he doesn't show a lot of himself. The big tough guy that most of you see is a huge cover. He doesn't like to be hurt, so he keeps people at a distance. He would kill me for posting this on line, but when it comes to loving his kids and having pets he is a huge marshmallow. The reason he doesn't like pets is because they usually die before their owners and it hurts. He doesn't trust most people and can count his REAL friends on one hand even if he were missing a few fingers. I think God put him here to make me stronger and balance out my faults. I could never be totally complete without him. Surviving would be easy. Surviving happily would not. For whatever reason, good, bad or indifferent, I am so happy he is here and I miss him terribly when he is gone.

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"The heart wants what it wants.... There's no logic to those things....." Woody Allen

"Love (which lasts): this is the stuff of actively caring for another and accepting the other as they are. This type of love is a decision. One decides to accept the other totally, without reservation, and with eyes open. The other's faults are both seen and accepted." .....from the self help book, Be Your Own Therapist.

"I could do without many things with no hardship-- you are not one of them"..... Ashleigh Brilliant

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Mom out
@ |10:44 PM|